While any sane mother would tell you how “she wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything in the world”, I am going to be the exception – the all too real reminder of real life – and dare to say that while that statement is certainly true, my actions and attitudes this week have screamed otherwise.
Anyone else?
Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation. Maybe it’s a deadline you need to meet but can’t find the time to get it done. Maybe it’s endless activities that you are constantly racing to. Maybe it was just a hard week of motherhood.
Whatever it is, wherever you are, I have to hold onto the hope that I am not the only one. I cannot be the only mother who feels like my two toddlers are on a warpath and their battles are waged against each other, only coming to a cease fire to aim that ammo at me.
I cannot be the only woman whose patience is failing and feeling like I am gasping for air that isn’t there.
What no one tells you about motherhood is just how worn and weary it will leave you. Some days it takes hours of sibling rivalry, endless loads of laundry, and repeated attempts at self control to break me down.
Other days, I’m crying in the bathroom before 7:30 AM because I feel so defeated.
Those are the moments that I would, in fact, trade almost (I use that term loosely) anything for just a few minutes to myself to try and hype my heart back up and get my mind right so I can better show up for my family. After all, “you can’t fill from an empty cup.”
As I scrolled through social media this morning amidst the endless inquiries, getting increasingly annoyed and losing my patience, allowing callous words to escape my mouth, I stopped as I read this verse from a Risen Motherhood post; “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28, ESV. Something happened as I read those words.
The Holy Spirit spoke to me. Not in a weird, TV evangelist way, but in that soul searching, meet me in this moment, goosebumps on my skin, kind of way.
“I see you.” The words were whispered right into my heart. “Why are you trying to fill your own cup my darling? Why are you fighting to fix what you are not capable of mending? All you need to do is come to me. Let me restore you. Come to me and rest.”
Sister, I don’t know about you, but I so often let myself believe the lie that my shortcomings as a mom are too mundane for my God to worry about. So I try to breathe, escape, finish just one more load of laundry or start one more load of dishes, or do whatever I can think of to try and not feel so overwhelmed.
In reality, I am just wearing myself down; all I actually need to do is come to Jesus. He is where rest is found, where joy is ignited, where love lives and strength abounds. So why am I fighting it? Why are my mind and heart so disconnected?
Realizing how hungry my soul was for the Word, I read on from that chapter in Matthew, and this is what I came across;
“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:34-37).
Just as Adam and Eve hid once they ate the forbidden fruit, so I try to hide and fill my own cup because I am too ashamed of the mess I let myself become.
These verses were the gentle nudge I needed to perform a heart check. These empty and ugly words that I was thinking and speaking were coming from a heart that was exhausted and threadbare.
Some people think that being a Christian means you have it all together; life is all sunshine and unicorns, flowing streams and lush valleys.
But a life in Christ is, most of the time, the opposite. It is real and raw, narrow and steep.
However, that road is also cemented to God himself because of the blood of Jesus. There are definitely moments where life seems to overflow with joy and blessings – and I try to truly cherish those moments- they are the hope we have to keep going and doing the next right thing, to sustain us through the trials.
But a life in Christ is..real and raw, narrow and steep.
I would be lying if I said the remainder of the day held incredible and almost supernatural patience with my kids after feeling the conviction of those scriptures – but that’s not real life.
What did happen was my ability to be more aware of my words; the way I responded to big emotions (no idea where they get that trait from 😬🤪🤷🏽♀️), the calmness I extended when quarrels broke out, and the forgiveness I offered when these tiny humans kept pushing me past patience.
We still had time outs and arguments over who smashed whose magnet tiles down. And I still raised my voice after several endeavors for my son and daughter to “keep your hands to yourself.”
That awful feeling of remorse, the sting of shame at yelling incessantly, the worn out and weary perception, those things were slowly replaced by surrender, by the amazing relief that I was not expected to have it all together.
Rather, I simply needed to allow myself to come to Jesus, to receive His rest and His grace, and it was sufficient for me.
Once all the kids were asleep, Mike and I retreated to our room to watch an episode of “The Chosen.” This particular episode dug into John 5:1-13, a passage I studied in depth a couple years ago as I led a core group through Community Bible Study. The biblical narrative is incredible in itself, but seeing it brought to life left me in a puddle.
In John 5:6 Jesus asks this paralyzed man who has been lame for 38 years, “Do you want to be healed.” Girlfriend, I can go on a whole 10 page discussion on all the richness in this small inquisitive verse, but instead I’ll keep it simple; who wouldn’t want to be healed!? This tugged on my heart strings and I found myself asking “Do I want to be healed?” “Do I want to rest?”
We’re so humanly susceptible to want to take control. We deceive ourselves into believing we are not allowed to show any weakness and never admit defeat or failure.
So, even while we crave rest, we are constantly wrestling with the stress to do it all ourselves, to prove we are capable. Why? Who are we trying to prove this to?
We are already fully known, and fully loved by God. He is walking with us, before us, and behind us, whispering all the while – “come, rest in me.“
Sometimes, I think God ordained motherhood to remind us strong and stubborn women, that His power is made perfect in our weakness.
It is when we surrender, when we wave the white flag, that we permit ourselves to truly find rest and restoration. It is only God that can fill our own cup, so we can fill up our family, our friends, our ministries.
Hear this sister, when we feel worn out and weary from mothering, remember that God is with us. All we need to do is come to Him.
Next time you feel your heart struggling to pump oxygen through your body, stop, inhale this reminder; Jesus died for you so you can come to Him whenever you need, and exhale; trust that He is with you, and rest knowing that He is our strength.
Only then can I confidently and humbly declare, “I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything in the world.”
Here are five things that help me rest in the Lord and reset my thinking so I stop trying to do it all myself:
1. Worship.
This can seem so counter intuitive. How can I worship when my heart is so worn? I find so much hope when I blast Brave Heart by Tasha Layton. The words are eloquently saturated in truth and surrender.
2. Pray
Sometimes, we just need a second to be still and know that God is with us. Lock yourself in your bedroom or bathroom for a moment (while the kids are safe somewhere – usually I hand out a snack and put on Daniel Tiger before escaping to cry and pray) and pour your heart out to God.
3. Read
Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones whose kids nap. Or maybe you have to wait until bedtime like me, but finding a quiet time to just take in scripture is life giving to the weary soul.
I always default to Galatians 6 when I really need some encouragement to keep going. I also love a good historical fiction novel; reading things that make me feel good, make me want to seek the time to do those things.
And doing those things help me to refocus on the Lord. I am really loving Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst right now. It is perfect for these moments when I feel like I’m treading water with zero momentum to encourage me that I am not alone.
4. Go for a drive
When the day is really out of control and my kids are a special kind of crazy, I load them in the car and we drive through the forest preserves (you can drive whatever scenic route you have near you).
Because sometimes, I just need them strapped in and unable to cause a complete ruckus around me. I pack snacks and water bottles and we make it a mini adventure; looking for deer, ducks, or just people watch as we cruise.
5. Go for a walk
Being surrounded by God’s natural creation, unadulterated and pure, is like honey for the soul; sweet, thick, and rich.
Moving our bodies is always a proven way to alleviate stress ! I have been trying to be more disciplined in taking the kids out for a walk each day – even if its just across the street to the park; moving and a change of scenery are key for us all.
When the weary and worn moments threaten to overtake your day, remember sister, you are not alone.
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I’d love to know what ways help you to rest and reset! Comment below so we can connect!
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Nicole, What a beautiful blog post! I love your heart and the way you use your talents and creativity to serve Jesus! Keep it it! I have no doubt that God is smiling!